On top of the grief I already felt with missing the beautiful and luminous Sidney Patrick, creator of this blog, and added to some other losses and crises in my personal life, the Sandy Hook massacre has nearly brought me to my emotional knees. From Grief Support at funeralplan.com:
...grief is more like adding rocks into a backpack. Each loss, be it a death, divorce or a move away from family and friends, is packed in like another rock; some bigger than others.I was not prepared to have another 27 rocks added to my emotional backpack.
But we don't get to choose or get time to prepare, we just have to deal with whatever life hands us. I asked myself WWSD? (What Would Sid Do?), and decided she'd post a blog chock full of linky love. (I can't begin to emulate her crisp writing style, so y'all will have to bear with my rambling one.)
1. Light A Candle
Sid embodied the saying, "It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness." (Not that Sid was squeamish about cursing, provided the circumstances were appropriate. But she was more about bringing light and hope to others.)
From beliefnet:
(Beliefnet has a wonderful slideslide with many other helpful and not particularly religious suggestions on honoring and remembering our lost loved ones at this time.)
A ritual or ceremony combines tangible objects with actions as a powerful way to remember a person and their life.
Place a new candle in a special place in your home – perhaps on the dining table, in the living room or in the bedroom. Light the candle each day or evening, signifying time consecrated for remembering the one you loved. In the light and warmth of the candle, sit with your memories, giving thanks for the person's presence in the past and the memories that accompany you now.
2. Join A Support Group
Even if you're not much of a joiner, there are wonderful groups that offer holiday (and year-round) support. There is often tremendous relief in sharing your story with people who truly can say, "I know how you feel," because they are dealing with grief, themselves .
Griefshare offers meetings, counseling, and daily encouraging emails. While it is a church-based ministry, the clips I watched and the material I read did not seem in-your-face religious.
Grief Beyond Belief is an online support network (on FaceBook) for people grieving the death of a child, parent, partner, or other loved one -- without belief in a higher power or any form of afterlife. Atheists, agnostics, humanists, skeptics, freethinkers and others without religious or spiritual beliefs are invited to participate. If you are in the process of reevaluating or letting go of previously held religious beliefs, you may also join the community and seek support.
You might want to contact your own church, temple, or other organization to see if it offers grief counseling and support built upon the foundations of your own spiritual beliefs.
3. Write A Poem, An Essay, A Song, or A Letter
or find one that has significance for you. This one said Sid to me.
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
e e cummings
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
e e cummings
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
[Being nervous about not having copyright permission for more than a small excerpt, you can read the rest of this gorgeous poem here.]
4. Choose A Small Talisman or Trinket that Speaks to You
(But in honor of Sid, choose only one. She would not thank you for hoarding on her behalf. )
Last week, I brought it with me to our writers crit group - the first one we held since Sid died. I held and touched it when I needed comfort. Your talisman may not be a literal blankie - it could be a hair scrunchie, or an earring, or a tiny photo that you put on a keychain fob, or a coffee cup. It could be something that never belonged to Sid (or your loved one), but holds meaning for you.
5. Help Others
Ann Curry posted on her FaceBook page :
Imagine if we all committed 20 acts of kindness to honor the lost children of Newtown..(or 26 acts, including the heroic teachers.) I'm in. A growing number on Twitter are in. #20Acts #26Acts What do you think FB friends? If yes, share!
Sid would have been so all over this! I can imagine her posting on FaceBook some small act of kindness every day, and cheering on those who were Tweeting #26Acts. (Her problem would have been narrowing down her list to only 26.)
I'm counting this blog post as one of my own #26 Acts (though I think I'll try for 30, counting in Sid and a few other much loved and missed people).
If you have an idea for a great act of kindness that doesn't include money (I've already got donations covered), or bodily strength (currently dealing with a gimpy arm), please leave your ideas in the comments. And let us know if you're in, too.
Peace and healing to you - and yes, joy - this holiday season.
Love, ~Bev
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